How’s that for a self-explanatory title. I’ve been told that people are in the dark about the mechanics of my bathing process & am a little uneasy with all of the speculation, so consider this a tell-all. In an attempt to provide honest reporting while making a dent in my looming laundry task, I’ve even provided visuals. Feel free to take notes in case you ever find yourself needed to wash your hair as badly as I do by day 5.
One: Cut a hole in the box…oh wait, that’s not right… download an hour-long exercise video because
- Unless you want to learn the Ukrainian word for ‘smelly’ sweat-inducing workouts are only allowed on bath days.
- Standing in the buff in February is cold… any effort to start off warmer is recommended.
Two: 40 minutes into the video, head to the kitchen to start the heating process. This allows optimal temperature conditions & little need for thought when you’re exhausted & light headed because you’re out of shape.
- Plug in the electric heater making sure to avoid getting electrocuted by the ‘extension cord’…again
- Push the heater into the doorway of the bathroom; close enough to circulate but not so close that you run the risk of pouring boiling water on it in a few minutes.
Five: Place your towel and clean clothes within immediate reach & strip down as fast as humanly possible (I must have lost that picture).
Six: Wash your face with the hot water while it’s still (relatively) clean. This picture also helps to illustrate yet another reason why my height is the bane of my existence- I’m pretty sure the process would go smoother if I was slightly more compact.
Nine: Try to stop the shivering by squeezing water from the sponge all over you. This will probably be the only enjoyable part of the experience. In fact I went out of order in the documentation process just to get to this part faster, hence the dry hair.
Ten: Suds up & rinse off with the trusty sponge.
Eleven: Dip your head into the bucket again to get the shampoo out. Essentially the ‘rinse & repeat’ step only I generally ‘repeat’ much less frequently than I imagine Pantene Pro-V copywriters intended.
Thirteen: Set a world record for drying off & putting your clothes on & make a solemn commitment to never again take for granted the wonder of hot water that falls from a spout in a little thing called a ‘shower’.
So there you have it. Ignore the dramatics, it’s honestly not that bad & I actually may (possibly) be getting a contraption that heats water soon so my days with The Bucket could be numbered. For the time being I’m enjoying it as just one part of the incredible opportunity I have here to see life outside of my comfort zone. The kids still definitely make it worth it & are nothing but sweet. One of my little fifth former boys even raised his hand in the middle of our discussion on why we say ‘I have’ but ‘he/she has’ to tell me that “he liked my style of hair today”. Pretty sure he was lying though because I just so happened to be rocking the French braid approach of dealing with gross day 4 hair, which is never a great look.
Other recent highlights include my teacher friend Olha driving three hours with me to a magical place with frozen vegetables, Tupperware, and spatulas that aren’t made of wood. It was Ukraine’s take on Sam’s Club complete with the huge warehouse, membership card, and endless aisles full of items bought in bulk. It was amazing. I pushed my cart along the familiar cement floor for over an hour in complete and total awe & ended up with bags full of eggplant, broccoli, Gouda, Diet Coke, & 300 hyrivnias worth of everything else that dreams are made of. Thank goodness for friends 🙂